I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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