at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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