There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How's work?
Spinning.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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