Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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