Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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