It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
