his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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