I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize