She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
