Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
