Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
