Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
