I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
