well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
ok first of all what the fuck
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
