I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
