I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
