it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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