Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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