she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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