Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
