Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
