the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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