you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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