she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
