Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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