Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
