no, he came in my armpit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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