The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
