he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
