dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
