ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
