I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
