why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
