Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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