I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
