mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
