Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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