Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
