i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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