If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
