He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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