I think I just saw someone hide a body.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
