I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
