So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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