On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
