is your mom at the bar?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
