I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
