Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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