Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't deserve a penis
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
