i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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