This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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