I wannas sexs uuuuu
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
