yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize