Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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