i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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