I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
