I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
