Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
