I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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