College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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