Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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