Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
