I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
