You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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