I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
