Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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