2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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