were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
