yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
