Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
